The Great & Mighty Oz!
Some messages I sent to His Lordship, Abbot Cuthbert Brogan after he accepted my facebook friend request. I was yet again at a low point with my alcoholism and was still subservient to the illusion, but what I discovered with this online reunion would eventually tear away the curtain of my ignorance and reveal this arch manipulator, bully and abuser more clearly!
Tom
Hi,there..good to see all you've acomplished through your perseverance.please pray for me...t
Tom
Hi,thanks for accepting friend request,assume your off to vepers now...best wishes..God Bless..Tom.
Tom
Hi Cuthbert,Congratulations againon your twenty one years...you do know why I haven't been in touch until going onf/book in the last year?Not long after bringing my friends down including the organist stephen who enjoyed playing the fantastic cavaille coll,I was contacted for less than charitable purposes by one of the ladies from the old choir.I rang the monastery and spoke to fr Magnus who was pleased I informed him what was happening and we left it at that....I was never contacted again BUT thought it best if for everyones sake I "Dissappeared"...So I did..but have often thought of you...I did remove your "News feed" because for some reason those more objective might discern..it made me sad..but "Check In" from time to time to see how you are.I don't know if any of this is news or wether or not you would want a personal chat with me..I remember just before Ray,Paul and myself left we had met in the calefactory with you and one of the former choir and it had all been really pleasant..just give me a "No holds barred" explanation of how you see things.I work in mental health and I'm a realist...people can cope with most things if they know the reason..NOT knowing can cause the brain to make up reasons usually far from the TRUTH.If you would indulge me I would be grateful...More than that for old times sake and ...is this popes questionaire thing..(Which I haven't looked at yet) the "Sensum fidelis" of VAT 2?(Correct my latin!!!..lol..!!)anyway look...take care..I'm SO glad everything has worked out for you..Sincere good wishes....tom.x.
Gosh, Tom - that all takes me back. I remember all that choir business and speaking to you from Rome. The woman was XXXX XXXX- she was married to a choir man but left him and ran of with XXXX XXXXXX - the head choir man whom I am sure you will remember. She blamed me for closing the choir (whereas I suspect she was the real reason!) and then she did the same stuff with XXXX when he refused to divorce his wife. All that stuff is more than a quarter of a century ago.Many of the old choir people still come and are on good terms with the community. Brother Bede died a few years ago, Fr Wulstan and Fr Magnus died last year. Fr David Higham died about 5 years ago. Brother Leander is in Mexico - I saw him in July - and Fr Andrew Southwell is studying and is on friendly terms with the community. So we lead the very quiet monastic life I always dreamed of, we are small but young, and very happy.We have a nice congregation who are very supportive and lots of good friends. I do a lot of work fro our congregation these days, trying to help other communities - I a responsible as visitor or the USA and Mexico, which takes me across the water from time to time. I am interested to know what became of you. Have you always worked in mental health? Where do you live now?
Thanks for the updates on the community..I of course knew in my heart of hearts that many must have died..however...still sobering!You'll remember I was friendly with Fr Tim Madeley..we went to see him at wonersh?Well he too has found himself with much responsibility as I'm sure you will know as Dean of Arundel(I think that's his title)When the pope visited I played "Spot fr Tim!!"as I think he was at Birmingham...speaking of Birmingham..the guy who brought the wonersh students over to farnborough (Bernard Longley? now or was then Bishop,described himself as "Ordinary"I thought ..don't be so down on yourself...until I saw a programme on Westminster Abbey and it was explained that the Abbey is a "Peculiar"so that put "Ordinary" in its context!!haha..lol..!!Yeah ok ..the dreaded "Talking about myself bit!"...I had been out of work a while and so was seeking some voluntary work...found some at Tendring MIND.(a local branch of National MIND the mh charity with the white dove logo.)At the time there was a big drive to encourage users of mh services to create their own services and means of support/recovery.Some say that people are drawn to various ways of life because wether recognised or not they have needs to derive from it as well as give to it..when I started listening to others I found parrallells in my own life.One friend thought that to linger in this environment would be bad for me..I think i understand his point,but the truth is i was really struggling in the cut and thrust of ordinary life and as I'm sure you remember,I am too Idealistic(or stubborn and self righteous)to stand for anything I perceive as unfair or not right or exploitative!!
So with others we started some mental health support groups in 1993 and in 1996 we secured public funding and changed our name to what it is today "Mayday Self Help Groups."The funding allowed for a small wage which relieved me of that pressure...HOWEVER..about five years ago conditions were put on that source of funding that we thought were retrograde and would seriously impact on our ability to function as we hitherto had and so defacto,we had to find another way which we did withmembers paying £3.00 a visit and also the huge generosity of people who find it a lifeline and a means of maintaining their health and where they can socialise among teir peers without fear..or in the caseof the paranoid..hopefully less fear!!So I'm back to hand to mouth existence but never mind,I've no dependants.After the best part of twenty years I'm living at home with my Mother.Dad died of the dreaded prostate cancer in 2006..Fr Tim Madeley concelebrated the requiem...yes on my down moments I do question wether I did the right thing in moving back,but there...Mum is ademant that "When the time comes"the house will have to be split three ways with my brothers and there's no way I am likely to be able to buy them out..in anycase I'm not sure I would want to stay here..too many memories and I have a bad habit of looking back when I should be looking forward.If I'm still working in Clacton it makes sense to move back there I just hope I am lucky with the neighbours..not that I have been physically in danger with previous neighbours,but noise and aggression gets to me and scares me and I've a tendancy to drink too much to block it out and that can lead to a very dark and unhappy condition.
About a month later to an unrelated condolence I offered, he replied..
Yes, poor XX XXXX was only in his early 50s. We'll all be dead soon!
So much for being interested to know what became of me! Perhaps he had heard all he needed to know! NUTTER! Anyway, that was pretty much the end of our personal correspondence. I would send him a birthday greeting and he would thank me. Occasionally I would look at his page and follow / unfollow his newsfeed, which still led to me feeling sad.... of course... I now know why!
Years passed until the Autumn of 2016 the scales really started falling from my eyes culminating in publishing my story in January of 2017 and perhaps not surprisingly being blocked on facebook by Cuthbert.(See original blog entry to recap)
I imagine that if this habitually litigious legate needs to explain to the curious why in my case I am not drowning in more solicitors letters than Harry Potter's invites to Hogwarts maybe he ascribes mercy to one obviously troubled! An explanation, I'm sure, that convinces some more than others!
The Great & Mighty Oz... Is Not!
Perhaps also a great metaphor to ascribe the whole roman catholic institution!
"Fans of Gregorian chant will know the heavenly noises made by the choir of St Michael's Abbey in Farnborough, Hampshire (10,000 of you bought the CD). But behind the rood screens, a drama to tax the imagination of Monteverdi has been unfolding.
Everything seemed normal back in July. Then, out of the blue, came a letter from the prior to all the choristers, telling them their services were not needed after 24 September. Consternation engulfed Farnborough. Rumours flew. Accusations centred on the figure of Cuthbert Brogan, the abbey's new 26-year-old "precentor", a recent Oxford graduate who sings lead vocals at abbey masses. Members of the congregation looked at the prior (in his seventies) and at the ambitious Cuthbert, and concluded that the prior had been manipulated by the younger monk. But why?
Then the choirmaster discovered that in the current British Music Yearbook his name has been replaced by that of the upstart Cuthbert. A local woman, incensed by the loss of the Farnborough chanters, distributed leaflets of complaint outside the abbey - and someone set the police on her for "trespassing". Distraught locals were then advised that the abbey was closed for a "restoration" which would involve the removal of choir stalls and the vastly precious organ; a letter claimed that the arrangements were being made with the help of English Heritage, but they, when asked, knew nothing.
Exciting, huh? More Anthony than Joanna Trollope, with a dash of PD James. But the question remains: why is the shadowy Dom Cuthbert trying to sack his choir and bin his organ? Suggestions that he is embarking on a solo career as a Gregorian crooner are surely too fanciful to be true."
(In the event the organ was not "binned," but beautifully restored.)
(In the event the organ was not "binned," but beautifully restored.)
We have Cuthbert's view, which was strange. I mean others may be able to corroborate that certain adult choir members had relationship difficulties but it seems doubtful that would bring the whole choir down? I mean it was strange because I expected him to give the reason for the choir's dismissal as the communities desire to live a more enclosed contemplative life. I seem to recall concerns that the choir disturbed the conventus, obviously not shared by all, but I did, the memory of which strengthened me in defending Cuthbert at the time of the phone call.
The newspaper too highlights "More Questions Than Answers"! Then we have my, over time, discerned concerns, as highlighted elsewhere in this blog, for "One Of The Former Choir"
The newspaper too highlights "More Questions Than Answers"! Then we have my, over time, discerned concerns, as highlighted elsewhere in this blog, for "One Of The Former Choir"
Sadly history has revealed that choirs have not been immune from abuse, but what in this case is the TRUTH?
The imperceptible vibrations of the abbey's stones declare the truth and implore the courageous to claim their justice!
Suffer Little Children.... NO MORE!
Suffer The Child Within.... NO MORE!!!!!
YOU HAVE THE POWER!
sssSuff
dd
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